It's so nice to be in love. Especially during the times when i don't have to worry about anything or i don't get overly paranoid.

Lately, i don't know...it's being more evident that i really am in love with him. Like i worry too much and im starting to get jealous. I hate the feeling. And come on, it's not like i have the right to. I dont have any claim on him. We are, after all, "close friends".

I have been crying a lot. I don't deny the fact that i do. Every single night when everyone's fast asleep. I would curl up in my bed and cry cry and cry. I talk to God in between. I would tell Him how painful i am feeling at the very moment. How my heart has been in constant torture. How i love Mr. Restroom. How scared i am that if ever the moment comes, that maybe, just maybe he would realize that he feels something for me, i would still be there because i dont want him to get hurt. I am very very tired but my love for him is i guess the thing that holds me to all this crap. I don't know why, but i dont see anyone but him. He is the guy i would like to spend my life with in spite of his flaws.

I thought i was weak but now i understand. I am strong after all for ive been holding on to this for so long. Ive made sacrifices and done incredibly stupid things that i thought im not capable of doing. Yes i am crazy..

I am in love...

Wow it's been like what? 8 months....Yeah apparently, most of the people who have been to this blog thinks that everything's over between me and Mr. restroom. Except if you're a close friend,that is. .Earlier, i read all the entries in this blog. It made me smile and it made me kilig again....Well guess what? It ain't over yet...

The past 8 months were i dunno...a rollercoaster ride I guess. Definitely a lot of ups and downs. More on the downs. Probably filled a couple of big buckets with tears yet surprisingly my tears docks arent dry as i thought it would be. Hmm well let me just give you a recap of what has happened during the past 8 months...

- We have a term of endearment.
- We still talk every night for more than a year now. We haven't missed a single night yet.
- He knows almost everyone in my block and he's actually friends with them.
- I already told him "i like him"...yeah..August 19th...Gave him a short and casual note. From a
long mushy letter, it all came down to a short and yes, casual note.
- Nothing's changed and that's what was absolutley killing me.

- We had a party celebrating the success of all the class presentations. I invited him there. It

was all good but i ended up crying myself to sleep. Some of my close friends asked him a lot

of questions about what the deal is between him and me. He said we're just close friends. Fuck!

My mood completely changed and he noticed and he offered to drive me home. I didnt want to

but my friends said i should take it coz if i dont, i might regret it in the end.

- Everything was normal again after that. Normal meaning we would still text and call each

other up. My mindset was that there's nothing more but friendship. To hell with glimmer of

hope.

- But of course, who was I fooling again. I ate everything i said. He went with me and my friends

to an overnight outing and he went with me to the Integ Ball. The thing that happened in the

party i mentioned earlier, happened again during the outing. This time, it really really hurts coz

i was there when he said "we're just friends"..fuck!!!!!!!!!

- But apparently, his actions are contradicting everything he's told me and my friends.

He's getting sweeter and we're becoming more closer than ever.

- We had our first fight/argument already. We said our sorries and stuff. That night i told him to

text or call me when he gets home but he did not. I got HELLA WORRIED. Yes i need to

emphasize on that coz ive never been so worried in my entire life. didnt get to sleep coz i tried

calling him every now and then till 7 am in the morning. It turned out that there was no signal

in his uncle's place.

- This is probably the best thing: I spent the whole day with him the other day. I went to his

house. We watched DVD in his room. I met his mom and his grandma. We had dinner together

and we were feeding each other. Teehee.. And we beso-ed for the very first time. I know,

was hoping for a smack, but oh well..

Well there you go... That's what have been happening. A lot of heartaches..Could he not possibly like me more than just a friend? I mean come on? Even for just 1%? Haay wala lang..Im hungry..I'll try to get back to this.

It's been more than a month...

Just when i thought im almost over him...
Just when i thought that i see him only as a friend...
Just when i thought that my feelings were gone...

He suddenly attacks and gets all sweet leaving me with no choice but to open my heart again and give him a second chance to see what's going to happen this time. I doubt it. Boo freaking hoo!

I dunno, maybe he's just flirting this time but i noticed that he's being pretty sweet lately. My friends noticed it too. What's with the 10 pm phone calls? Not that he doesnt call me before but this time, he doesnt fall asleep anymore. I mean remember how he'd text me and say that he'd call me but ends up in slumber land instead?

I dunno but im sure there were CHANGES..good changes,that is...
He's more sweeter...
We're closer than before.
I can look him in the eye little by little.
I can talk to him without any hesitations whatsoever.

Unbelievable! I mean, i told my friends that my feelings died down and he's just a friend now. Nothing more,nothing less...Eek..I hate to admit it but i swallowed everything I said about it. And now im scared...im scared to get hurt again. scared by the uncertainty that is just about to follow. *sighs*The price I have to pay for falling in love with him.

I had lunch with someone else today. Some guy i met at school days ago. He's a pure-blooded Chinese. So when my friend and I met him at the pavillion, I almost fainted when I saw Mr. Restroom standing a few feet away with his friends. Im not sure, but for a while, I think he saw me. It was just sort of a quick glance but im not sure....So i yelled his name and he went right away to my spot.

He was wearing his white shirt with his polo in his right hand. Gawd, he has a nice body. We talked for a while. I really am not sure if he saw the Chinese Guy behind me waiting. But one thing's for sure, i didnt wanna go anywhere else. I wanted to stay there with him and talk about whatever...I wanted to say "let's have lunch some other time" to the Chinese Guy but it was rude,of course. *sighs* When will Mr. Restroom ever invite me to lunch?!

Big waves of guilt washed over me. During the lunch date(is it even a date) with Chinese guy, i couldnt look him in the eye and i kept on shifting my position. I tried so hard to show him that I was enjoying so as not to dissappoint him whatsoever. Hay i swear, i feel so guilty even up to now. I know Mr. Restroom and I are not a couple or anything but i think that what I did was wrong. I shouldnt have gone out with Chinese Guy. Why am I like this?! ANd im missing him now more than ever!Aarrggh!!!What the hell is happening?!!!!

If there's one thing i hate about him, it's his being dependent. He loves his friends too much that he stays with them after school. My friends and I joke a lot about it. Some of my friends think he's gay.Haha.

He hangs out with 3 friends. One of which is his bestfriend. Oh i so hate his bestfriend. He criticizes people like hell! Grr..Give me an F for feeling!!!! Maybe he does that because he's just filthy rich and he think he can say whatever. But still, he doesnt have the friggin right to do that! Well actually mr. Restroom criticizes people a lot too but he's milder when it comes to his bestfriend. Hay..Birds of the same feather, flock together....

Anyhoo, back to his bestfriend..Mr. Restroom and his bestfriend love sleepovers. Mr. restroom often stays at his bestfriend's house. He goes to school with him everyday coz his bestfriend has a car and he hitches a ride everyday.That explains why he cant go home alone coz he hitches a ride with his bestfriend after class. I dont blame him, he lives in Fairview...But come on! They're always together! Oh and he hasnt introduced me to him yet. yeah i know im not his girlfriend or anything, but ive introduced my closest friends to him...

Hay...More about this soon. I must go and take a shower....Til next post...

IS IT GOODBYE?

Most of you may be wondering as to why i havent been updating. Well nothing's really new. We constantly text and call each other everyday. The more it happens, the more i get hurt. Last night, while i was chatting with a friend. I suddenly realized that im getting tired of Mr. Restroom, tired of the way things are going between us. No, im not being impatient again, but for some reason,something's telling me that it's not gonna work out. The very same night, i was bloghopping and i chanced upon my friend's blog. Her latest post was talking directly to me. It was as if the post was made especially for me. I took it as a sign and decided to lie-low and just go with the flow.

Yeah, it was working. I went to bed at around 2 am this morning. As usual, he's fallen asleep again and forgot to call me. 30 minutes later, my phone vibrated and there was a message from him.

Ive fallen asleep again?! (duh! Obviously...) Oh no, im sorry. I wanted to talk to you pa naman! Goodnight Mwah!

And this was reply: It's okay. Goodnight.
Yes, as simple and as plain as that. Without and mwahs...without any sweetness. Everything was just plain...But to my surprise, he replied..

Im so sorry..Are you mad? Hmm..Im hungry ( Now where did that come from) ...

My reply was: Nope. (Why would i?!(yeah right,bitch))..Go back to sleep, it's past 2 am already.

He replied right away: Do you wanna talk for a while? If you're not busy that is...

I could've said no. I could've just turned my mobile off and go back to sleep. But no, I immediately found myself and my fingers keying the word...okay.

We talked for a couple of minutes. He was apologizing every now and then, making me laugh, no..trying to make me laugh with his corny jokes. Why did i say it was working??

Because i didnt get kilig anymore like before. I tried re-reading his messages but nada, i didnt get kilig. I didnt get kilig when we talked at around 2:30 am. I didnt get kilig when we were chatting on Ym earlier. And i didnt get kilig when he called me up at aroun 8: 45 pm. He said that he'd call me back but im not counting on it. Im not counting on anything that he says anymore. Oh and there was a time when he asked me out to watch a movie with him, it entered my ear and immediately came out on the other...

Is this goodbye? Maybe..Im trying to get him completely out of my life, little by little. It's gonna be very hard but maybe it's for my own good. However, i am not closing my doors. As much as i want to shut him out of my life completely, i cant. DUh! Who am I to do that?! And it isnt just the right thing to do. I will continue to text,call and talk to him. But maybe, it wouldnt be the same anymore. It's like giving him the cold shoulder without him knowing it...

Oh and i will continue to blog about us, if that's what you're asking.....

****
Edited: he called me up. i couldnt believe he stayed up that long to think that he's such a sleepyhead. someone had to use the phone earlier so he said he'd call me back and to my surprise he did. He tried to stay up til my dad comes home but unfortunately, he's really sleepy and he has to be up early coz he's going to the gym. that was really nice and yeah, can i say sweet of him to do that? I still didnt get kilig,though. It was nothing...I guess he just stayed up coz he was being nice and he knew i was already scared. oh well...blah...

No title

I cant think of any title for this post at the moment. Im so tired but still hyper from the annual university-wide party in my school. So sorry if i havent been blogging lately. I wanted to but i just thought that writing very detailed scenarios about me and mr. restroom's interaction is just too tedious for me. Yet im glad to know that some of you get kilig while reading it, but still some people find it annoying and cheesy, oh well..as if i care..

anyhow..things are definitely changing between mr restroom and i. however, the actions he shows are still too vague...we have been talking over the phone every night for quite sometime now and we are constantly texting each other from time to time. That's a great development coz we aint doing it before. I am pretty much enjoying whatever it is we have right now. The problem with me is that i used to worry and think about too much. So right now, im just enjoying everything.

earlier, we met up coz i told him that ill be giving him my christmas present today. i didnt want to bring it to school because it will draw too much attention. it took me awhile to call him because of sun's sucky signal. we met up in front of the chapel.but before that, i was at the parking area in front of the chapel. I was pretty nervous, for some reason. I was standing there with my preppy and quasi-sporty look with a blue christmas-y paper bag in my right hand, walking to and fro waiting for him. And after 3 minutes, i saw him emerging from the church walking towards me, still in his uniform and flashing his killer smile at me. Damn, everything felt surreal. Cheesy at it may sound but yeah, it did and it's as if time stopped. I felt that it was just me and him talking. No loud music, no people walking around, no cars whatsoever..just me and him...

I handed him my gift and wished him a merry christmas. he said thanks of course. he told me that he went to greenhills with his buds right after school and didnt had the time to go home and change coz they were running late already. so that explains why he was still in his uniform. haha..i really dont care about his uniform. at least i get to see him before the christmas great. and that, my friends, is more than enough.

we hung out for a while. unfortunately, had to leave because im attending the simbang gabi. so we said our goodbyes and he told me to text him right after the mass. Right after the mass, there was an SMS from him:

Hey there!!!Thank you so much!!! Mwaaah!!! You talaga..Kaw lang nagbigay sakin ng gift...We might leave na but at least i saw you kahit sandali lang. Hehe..Take care,okay?

I got kilig,of course. Need i say more?! haha.... Oh and by the way, he told me earlier that he's bought a gift na for me but it's still kulang..Hmm.Ill keep you posted about that. Ive to go for now coz im uber tired and sleepy. Til next post. Have a great weekend...

Damn You,Yoyong!!!

Great! Just great! As what my mom have expected this morning, classes will be suspended tomorrow, all levels!!! I admit that i sort of wished it to happen coz have like 2 major quizzes scheduled tomorrow, i couldnt help but feel sad about it coz i wont be seeing Mr. Restroom tomorrow. I also feel bad because there's lots of people suffering at the moment while i stay dry and comfortable here in my room, with a cup of hot chocolate alongside. There's nothing i can do at the moment but to pray and wish for everybody's safety. I'll be rummaging my closet tomorrow for old clothes and other stuff i can donate to the victims of this super strong storm. It would be better indeed if all of us take part in helping our brothers and sisters who've lost their homes and even lives. Let us please pray for everyone....

Earlier, i texted Mr. Restroom to inform him about the suspension of classes, and this was his reply:

Talaga? Yay! But i wont see you naman tomorrow. Tsk!!! Oh well..Charged my phone na.=p hehe..whatcha doing?

Yup, yup, another one of those kilig moments. Not only that, Mom and I was about to watch National Treasure(dibidi) when the landline rang. Twas my mom who answered the phone and gave it to me. It was him...Mr. Restroom!!! I was trying my best not to sound too happy. But i cant help it. Was so surprised and i didnt expect it at all that he'd call me. Haay!!! We talked about random stuff, nothing romantic or kilig at all. I cant talk that much since my mom was like inches away from me and it's super awkward..Haay..but twas more than enough already to hear his voice and the fact that he remembered me and called me up is just uberly ..uberly...gah! i cant describe my feelings at the moment. Im overjoyed!!!

Great Day Yesterday

Just a quick update.

I've always wondered where I was when God blessed the people with patience and optimism. Ive always had problems with those for I am anything but patient and optimistic.

Things are going well between me and Mr. Restroom so far.Im hurting,though, so much...Me being impatient and a bigtime pessimist adds up to the entirely excruciating uncertainty that i am currently dealing with. All this signs he shows is just utterly vague. I cant tell if he likes me back or he's just a big-ass flirt.

However, ive been contemplating about things last night. My friends Mildred and G said that i should just wait. This isnt the time for me to be impatient. Coz who knows? He might be worth the wait...Hope so.

Ill be only seeing him twice thise week, yesterday and hopefully,tomorrow. Due to the typhoon and faculty meetings, classes have been postponed and tomorrow's definitely in jeopardy due to the really strong typhoon coming tonight.

Yesterday was a GREAT day and i have our absent professors and friends to thank for. I went to school only to find out that we have only 1 professor present so that's a major bummer. While i was waiting inside the room, i got a text from him:

Good Morning!!! _ _ _ _ _ here. Mwah! See you later.

Wow!!! What a great way to start a day! I didnt go home after the first and only class we had, my friends and i hung out in our room while F played some RNB's and senti. Had to go out once in a while coz Mr. Restroom and I made kwento in the corridor. Here's the funny part, my bestfriend G and my dear friend M, went out and asked Mr. Restroom and I if they can take a picture of us. So we were like, What?! What for?!..bal bla bla...We eventually gave in, of course. When Mr. Restroom went back to his room i immediately turned the bluetooth of my phone on and asked M to send me the pic pronto ! Boy oh boy! what a jackpot!!!!

So while G and I were pigging at my house, he texted me again using a different number. here's the text convo between me and mr. restroom:

Him: Hi there!!! Mwah!!! We're done na! What are you up to? _ _ _ _ _ here.=)

Me: Hi! Im home na! Mwah! Foodtrip with G...How are you? you super tired ba?

Him: Hehe. Yep! Mhm..Super duper tired. You? Rest na! Im so hugry...How was your day?

I wanted to tell him how great my day was thanks to him. But of course, i didnt do that. Instead i sad:

Aww...You rest na and eat lots. I had a GREAT day naman, tiring lang,though. Buti na lang walang class tomorrow. You going home na?

..and so it went on and on for a couple more minutes...

i took a nap and was surprised coz i didnt feel like getting up. My body doesnt want to leave the bed. I didnt know i was that tired. I went to bed after watching my favorite TV show. Then he texted me again:

Hi! Sorry i feel asleep. Grabe..So tired. You ate na? Whatcha doing?

Yup. good food but i didnt get to enjoy it. It's alright, im tired na din. Let's sleep early na. It's been a tiring day for the both of us. Talk to you na lang tomorrow. Goodnight!. Mwah!

Really? Aww,,We're so tired ah.=p Let's sleep na. Wel, let's talk tomorrow ha? Mwah! Goodnight!!!!

That's just about the great things that happened yesterday...Sorry for such a blah post. Im really not in the mood. Just felt the need to post. Will hopeful something better next time.

THE SUNDAY GAME

The big game! I woke up real early, say 6:30?. And i immediately dialled my seatmate's number.

Me: Hello? Are you getting ready yet?
Her: No..SOrry, I cant make it. My mom doesnt want me to go out. It might rain hard and i might get stranded..
Me: What?!!!! Oh no....Can't you make something up? Please? I mean we can just stay there for like 15-30 minutes.
Her: I dunno..
Me: I promised him id be there...
Her:I'll see what I can do, but dont get your hopes up..
Me: Oh ok....

I felt doomed. It's like everything's conspiring for me not to see him play. I texted him and said:


Morning, _ _ _ _ _! I might not make it to your 8 am game but ill try to be there on your 11 am match. Im really sorry. My partner cant make it coz it's raining and all, and im not allowed to go out alone..Im sorry. GOod luck on your game

And this was his reply:

Morning!! Aww..i wont be able to play na on the 2nd match. Im leaving for Alabang to see my dad and i have to get back quick for another game at our village. Too bad i wont be able to see you today. Take Care. Mwah!

Before i know it, i was getting dressed and left after 30 minutes. PHew. As soon as i got there, i called him up:

Me: Guess what?
Him: Hey! what?
Me: Im here!!!
Him: Huh? Really?
Me: Yup..Where are you?
Him: On my way to the S. Gym...Where are you?
Me: E. Court. Sige ill be there in 5 minutes.
Him: Ok...ill wait for you infront of the gym so we can go in together.
Me: Aight.be there in five.

Ok so i got kilig...I was literally smiling while i was on my way to the S. Gym. I was at a nearby kiosk when i spotted him first. He was there, not on his jersey yet. He was wearing a simple shirt and shorts with a body bag. He didnt see me so i bought a bottle of mineral water to ease my tension. He spotted me after a minute and 2, with a very dissapointed look on his face...

Me: O, what's the matter?
Him: No more game...It was postponed..But well, we wont play anymore:
Me: Why?!!!
Him: (bla...bla...bla..)

Well..it wasnt so bad after all. You see, we hung out and talked for like 30 minutes. Out of the blue he said:

Him: You know what? Ill be giving out gifts to 4 people lang..
Me: 4 people only? Well who's the lucky four then?
Him: Hmm.Lemme see, there's my mom, my dad, my friend, and YOU!!!!

Okay so im not really sure about what i said after that. I guess it was something like, you dont really have to give me anything for christmas yadayadayada...But i got so kilig and i was trying to hide it. I swear, i wanna faint right then and there. We parted ways coz he had to go to his dad, he only stayed just soi wont be alone. I told him i was waiting for my seatmate who was coming in a while. I called her before i saw mr. restroom in his shirt and shorts and asked her if she could still make it, and she said yes...So that explains why i told Mr. Restroom that i was waiting for my seatmate.

When she finally showed up, itold her everything that she has missed and boy she got so kilig. My seatmate told me that i sure am SPECIAL to him. Based from what Mr. Restroom said about the gifts, that is. What bothers me,though, is the third person on his list....

Whatever...I was happy coz waking up early on a sunday morning was so worth it after all, albeit the game was postponed. But still, it would've been better if i saw him play ball.

...TO BE CONTINUED...

Postponed

Semestral break came and it was torturing for ive missed him terribly. I didnt see him for almost a month. The only consolation to that is my Sun Sim. It was an impromptu decision for me to buy one and give in to the bandwagon. It was a blessing after all because it was easier for us to communicate. We're constantly texting til now as i speak. However, i cant help but think if he's only doing that coz we're both sun users and you know how it is with the 24/7 promo,right?

So after the semestreal break, there we are again doing our everyday routines. Him, going to the restroom after each class and me, hanging out at the corridor after each class, as well. Look who's making pa-cute now?

The second week after the break was the intramurals and of course, he'll be playing ball for his course and i promised him that im gonna watch his game. It was scheduled on a Thursday, 7 am!Fuck! I have a freaking class on 7 am!!! It took me the longest time to decide if i should go or not. My heart wanted to but my mind was against it. It was crazy, i tell you. My bestfriend told me that maybe i should coz if i dont, i'll forever be wandering around the shoulda-woulda-couda lane and it's just plain torture. So i did, yes..im skipping my boring Philosphy class. I couldnt believe it myself.

Quarter to 7, i was sitted on a bench near the gym with my sweater on, when my phone rang, it was my dear friend R telling me that the game was postponed! Bummer but it was a blessing in disguise coz i can attend my Philosophy class. I immediately dialed M's number ( one of my closest friends) to pick me up coz i dont wanna walk alone, for some weird reason.

The Lord is good, He didnt want me to miss my Philosophy class. Maybe He did want me to watch the game after all, so He re-scheduled it for me to attend my Phiosophy class. Haha. Im such a freako!

So after one and a half hours of boredom, i went out and asked him about his postponed game. He said all the other games were postponed and his game was re-scheduled on Sunday, 8 am. We said our goodbyes and went back to our respective classrooms.

SUNDAY at 8 am?! Come fucking on!!! Who would want to wake up early on a Sunday. Sunday has always been my wake-up-real-late day. Arrgghh!!! And guess what, i said that ill be there..yes freakazoids, i did! Geez what has gotten into me. I asked my dearest seatmate if she can go with me to the game since she lives near my house. I was panicking like crazy and to my relief, she said YES...Phew..good thing my mind has conspired to it already...

...TO BE CONTINUED...